Messy Courage

Breathe. in deep out I feel light. relief hope different I have compassion. for myself young & innocent for myself fully aware I have grace and mercy for her. I am still sad. grieving rebuilding relearning But I am happy & excited. for what's next for things I've never had I am letting myself dream again. dreams I gave up on I am allowing myself to be foolishly hopeful. for things I want I am expecting restoration. beautiful redemption Whatever that looks like.

It's not fair. I didn't choose this. Someone else pulled the string that's unravelled my world. It's not fair. I'm a single parent. The long nights and short days are all mine. The fevers. The snuggles. The drool. The kisses. The hitting. The hugs. The discipline. The responsibility. All mine. It's not fair. I've been used and taken advantage of. I was selfless and gave everything. I got nothing in return. It's not fair. I'm living at home in my late twenties. Dependant. It's not fair. Nothing's fair. That's not stopping me. I refuse to get stuck. I will not live in self pity. It's an ugly place to be. It makes an ugly person. Life isn't fair. For anyone. This is just what I've been handed. And you'd better believe something beautiful is coming.