Heartache

I can't believe it's almost May.

Time doesn't slow down for anyone.

It doesn't speed up either.

I struggled for a while with wanting to go back.

Searching for the moment it all changed.

But I still don't know.

I miss you.

I haven't let myself acknowledge that until recently.

I miss your company.

Your jokes.

Your friendship.

Your arms that held me.

Your vulnerability.

Your kisses.

Hundreds and hundreds of nights I memorized your face.

Just in case I ever lost you.

And now it's burned in my mind.

The pain, it's changed from sharp to dull.

My heart just aches.

Aches for what was.

Aches for what could have been.

Aches for familiarity.

But I don't want to go back anymore.

There's nothing there but ruins and sharp objects.

But I miss you.